🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin to date any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.